Friday might have been the roughest patch.

But then yesterday I finally turned a kind of corner with it all.

On Sunday there were a lot of football games but I forgot to watch them.

And then Blossom came home after being missing for two days so I fed him extra.

And in relief I went down for yet another nap even though I had nine hours under my belt already.

I had some dreams.

First I took a long bike ride out to the end of McLaws Road. It was good but the speedometer broke. (Utah.)

When I got back she and Joanne were cooking in the kitchen together, so you know it was a long time ago.

And I got to thinking about how my sister reinvented herself by putting an I on the end of her name.

During that same part of her life when she decided to go it motherless.

I was waking up, and then I thought about Liony, and then I thought about two more things.

When I was real young, the grandparents came out for Christmas and brought two tiny winter coats. Marshall Fields?

She asked me which of them I wanted, and I thought about it for a while and said: the red one.

She said no, that’s a little too pink, so you’re getting the green one instead.

Then it was time to go to kindergarten, and she asked me if I wanted to be John, or Johnny.

I thought about it for a while and then I said: Johnny.

And she said no, that sounds too young for you.

So in school I was John instead.

***

I don’t know if she remembers.

And I’m tempted to point out all over again about college, or about Subarus.

Just to make the pattern crystal clear for everybody.

But I don’t have to do that.

Infra dig.

I will say this much though.

When the time comes to get a new computer, and Lord it’s coming on faster and faster as the space shrinks

I’m not going to let her ask me what kind I want.

Because I’d end up with a shiny corporate Apple thing.

Like all the good ones in the Commander’s family that will never be mine.

And that would be pretty bad for who I really am; for my soul, living in that walled digital garden you know. That hell of an eden.

***

Johnny’s finally gonna get the red coat this time even if it shoots his credit dead and wrecks him.