My life isn’t bad.

It just seems like it, to the naked eye, because I’m telling you the sooth about it, instead of trying to sell you on some version that tries to make it look better than it is.

Here is what I mean.

Once upon a time not long ago, there was a somewhat successful real estate agent, contractor, whatever, who decided that it wasn’t … enough.

She bought a plane, and she started a YouTube channel. Poor and pretty little rich girl finally starts to grow up in her forties, and learns to fly.

We were supposed to be heartwarmed, and so we were.

The channel was quite successful, as measured by click counts and the profit yardstick.

But it was all a profit-making lie. The revenue spiked on the backs of the false narrative of empowerment. You go grrl; Oh yeah. Branding. Engagement. Woot.

YouTube Pilot’s Deadly Mistake Was Worse Than We Thought!

She was on six kinds of head meds.

None of them were supposed to be in her brain or body during a flight, per The Rules.

They didn’t work well enough anyway.

She crashed in confusion, killing herself and her daddy who had lived his life enabling the whole sick sordid mess.

***

I look around me.

Everyone seems to be doing better than I am.

At least half of that seeming is utter garbage, just as it was with this lost Jenny.

Probably a lot more than that, but who can say? I don’t have access to their sooth, or even their less consequential truth.

How real is your recovery, dear little man?

Sister tell me, is your happiness as pure as you would have us believe?

Mi-not; mine ain’t.

***

Someone is begging me to have my water heater looked at before something bad happens.

So I begged her back: Please stop Living In Fear My Dear.

And she said: I can’t help it.

If that’s what you think …

… then you’re right, honey.

You can’t. You won’t. Not ever.

Whatever would I do, if I didn’t have you worrying about me … ?

Well I’ll tell you.

Exactly what I’m doing anyway, that’s what. Living. Day by mothafuckin day.

Someday, you won’t be capable of worrying about me any more. About anything.

I will have to move on, without it. I will have to make my way anyway.

“And not long after, a rumbling which will not seem to cease.”

I am as fully insured as I’ve ever been.

But Insurance is a Lie.