A tiny scrap or two of cooking, cleaning, the phone. A whole lot of edgy media flowing down from the sky and into my brain–the two latest finds are a podcast called TrueAnon, and the Intercept’s reinvigorated YouTube Channel. I read about Eugene V. Debs.

But mostly I’m cycling back through the addiction recovery process again. It makes Alex a dull boy.

It’s been over thirty hours since I’ve had any nicotine at all.

There’s a box of patches over there, and I haven’t even looked at them.

There’s a pile of vaping stuff that could give me a fix, but it’s all been sitting there untouched for many months. Too gross to really be tempted.

I totally would have ransacked the trash for butts, but I know there’s nothing there because of the careful scissoring way it ended.

That leaves driving a mile down the road to pick up a pack. They have a water machine too you know. I could use some of that reverse osmosis. A small drive would do me good.

Liar. Addict!

Lookit how good I am ennit?

It seems like for most people, it’s the isolation of the quarantine that sucks.

There are people I do miss, but isolation is not a problem for me.

I’m making it suck, in the name of trying to conquer this addiction for real.

I wish I knew how long I would have to go for the craving to actually stop.

Let’s see.

"Nicotine is out of your body 72 hours after you quit smoking. Nicotine withdrawal symptoms usually reach their peak 2 to 3 days after you quit …
(all good so far, but …)
and are gone within 1 to 3 months. It takes at least 3 months for your brain chemistry to return to normal after you quit … "
(Well god damn.)

Another.

"Nicotine withdrawal involves physical, mental, and emotional symptoms. The first week, especially days 3 through 5, is always the worst. That’s when the nicotine has finally cleared out of your body and you’ll start getting headaches, cravings, and insomnia.
If you can get over that hump, the physical symptoms will start to go away — but you’ll still be dealing with mental and emotional challenges such as anxiety, depression, and irritability. Those will also taper off after a few weeks."

And:

Jesus Christ this seems almost insurmountably long.

But.

One, there is time, and space, and a lack of external pressure.

Two, I have lowered the dosing, to near zero anyway, for almost a month now.

Three …

What if i could do days 3 to 5 cleanly?

I’m almost to two already.

This seems like a thing to try.

In spite of a real crankiness.