That’s not my name. My name is Vairtere.

But I voted for a Sanders in the last big one, which makes me a BernieBro by some people’s lights. I am neutral on the description. I don’t use it on myself. I don’t use very many labels of that kind on myself. But you can’t spill without spilling clues eventually.

(I redacted a paragraph here.)

I don’t want to tell you any of these things, but I can’t help it really. I can’t spill and not reflect by my own light what I see when I see my, what you call, self.

But the Sanders I was thinking about really was Larry, for reasons that can be divined from what came below, before.

Shandling played this Sanders, just as I play Vairtere on this show.

In addition to BernieBro, there’s another whizbang cultural vocabulary bit that applies here, and that is binge-watching. Now I don’t have cable or a TV or a Netflix account, so I can’t do it properly. But sometimes I do it improperly. You can go on YouTube and find almost every episode of WKRP in Cincinnati in a single playlist. I consumed that one time over winter break. As god is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly.

This week I started doing the same with The Larry Sanders Show, even though it looks like less than half of it is available through my cheap-ass methods. Hey now.

Sometimes things are just way too hard. My webhost took days to give me rightful access to this place, and it took additional time for it to work right even after they did.

But then almost by accident tonight I figured out how to put my old WordPress theme back in place. It feels so much more like home now.

There is still so much to do with all the necessary pieces, from the laptop to the OS to the data; just little pieces that I know how to accomplish but take time.

Then there are the harder questions.

Is it worth taking the time to save all the posts as .txt files even if I just use this interface to write them? Fuck I’da know.

Should I link up or even import the first 3.5 years of this project, or just leave it to bitrot where it lays instead?

I think I do know the answer to that one, and it is: There’s no hurry. This needs to become its own thing in its own way first?

Then the truly existential things. Why do I need to consume other people’s shows in such quantity sometimes?

And I definitely do know the answer there. It’s a hedge against fear. And not the only crutch I use. There are all kinds of them. Way more video than I ever used to. Podcasts. URLs visited over and over, and things printed out too, from the digital space or not.

The important thing about spilling is that it’s the opposite of crutching like that.

This isn’t high art, even though it aspires and tries to be in fit sand starts. But it also isn’t dulling the senses and keeping myself doped with religion sex and TV either.

To spill is to create content instead of consuming it. The biggest existential question of all is: Is that better?

The answer is a scarcely qualified yes.