I was Liony then.

To the people who loved me, fed me, wiped my ass, that was my name.

To the people who tolerated me or disliked me, I was Liony.

I am Liony still. He is here with me, as I write these words.

***

These days, I wipe my own ass, just like a growed-up man oughta.

I feed myself, and I’m getting pretty good at it.

When I walk into the grocery store and type my fake phone number into their database for fifty cents off on a pack of sausage, my fake name comes up as Rocky.

Rocky Anderson.

When the checker looks down at the receipt, and reads my name they say:

Thank you, Mister Anderson

Recently one clerk, far brighter than the average, said to me

Every time I say that I think of the Matrix.

And I saith unto her, well that tells me flat out that you, Ma’am, are no NPC, in spite of your dead end job in this nowhere little town. You’re a fair bit brighter than the average bulb. Good on you, and please never let the bastards grind you down.

Because that’s exactly why I chose the name Anderson.

I did not say to her why I chose the name Rocky.

***

Rocky is also the name now of the latest stray, who went to the vet today, probably for the first time in his life.

I paid half. Almost half.

In a few days’ time it will be the name of my latest car.

“Rocky” is not nearly as good a nickname for me as Liony was.

But anyway, it’s not a nickname at all in any usual sense. No one calls me that, or has, not even once or ever in my life.

But Rocky the cat is here with me, and soon Rocky the car will be too.

I’m not doing a very good job of explaining.

***

Rocky had a face all pushed out of shape like tenderized meat. In that movie. He was not bright.

I too have been all pushed out of shape, by life, and maybe I’m as ugly as that Rocky —

don’t really know don’t really care any more

Sometimes I’m damn fuckin’ dumb, profoundly concussed maybe.

***

Liony is here with me now.

Even if I look and speak and act more like a Rocky, at my advanced age. Even if in some metaphorical sense Rocky, Rocky Rockford and all the Rockies, are here with me now.

Yo

Adrian