Quick short and hot on a slow long cool subject.<\/p>\n
Pretty often, I think that the main thing is just finding ways to have More energy.<\/p>\n
Today I’m feeling that it’s more complicated.<\/p>\n
I dosed on the threonate on Thursday night, slept real deep, and had abundant energy all day Friday. The kind of energy that reminded me of a manic state, but wasn’t, exactly. I felt smooth instead of jagged. I felt smart and purposeful without the feral part. Insightful in a practical way. <\/p>\n
I took it again Friday night and again went down for eight pure hours. <\/p>\n
I’m writing this Saturday from a place that is much lower, but … again, sorta, I’m not depressed in any usual way. Just … uncommonly chilled out, and much less driven or purposeful. <\/p>\n
I’ve gone long periods of my life ‘Undiagnosed’. There was that whole physiological thing that didn’t happen for me until I was belatedly diagnosed about eight years after the fact–what should have been the obvious fact. But I think about whether or not I’m on the autistical spectrum. And, in this context, whether I ‘am’ what they used to call ‘manic-depressive’. Whether I ‘have’ a ‘mental illness’ …<\/p>\n
But in practical terms these questions kinda bore me now, or seem pointless in a way that the endocrine dysfunction definitely never did.<\/p>\n
I don’t feel as though having any particular label to slap on my psychology would do much for me. The modern allopathic approach to these things is: take this pill and oh by the way, talk to someone. <\/p>\n
I already addressed the talking part. As for pills, I don’t want or need them. I have lots of treatment regimens to play with for myself that aren’t bound to the broken system. The magnesium is a good example. So too would be ayahuasca, purely natural and less legal risk to it every day. That would be fun. Acid was really fun, but tch tch mijito–that was a purely artificial one, that wasn’t available in the Magdalenian; thus now by your own standards, it’s problematic.<\/p>\n
What I am, by my own reckoning, is one of the sanest of the mad <\/p>\n
and that is diagnosis enough to satisfy me for the endgame of a life. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Quick short and hot on a slow long cool subject. Pretty often, I think that the main thing is just finding ways to have More energy. Today I’m feeling that it’s more complicated. I dosed on the threonate on Thursday night, slept real deep, and had abundant energy all day Friday. The kind of energy […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-9504","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.vairtere.com\/spill\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9504","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.vairtere.com\/spill\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.vairtere.com\/spill\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.vairtere.com\/spill\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.vairtere.com\/spill\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9504"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.vairtere.com\/spill\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9504\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":9505,"href":"https:\/\/www.vairtere.com\/spill\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9504\/revisions\/9505"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.vairtere.com\/spill\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9504"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.vairtere.com\/spill\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9504"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.vairtere.com\/spill\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9504"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}