I talked about being sixteen, about being the only one in the family who gave a shit about College, and having the scholarship I earned all on my own taken away from me by parental decree, because they thought I was a pussy. <\/p>\n
Which in a sense I was: I talked about being sixteen and eighteen and twenty and twenty-two and being broken, literally, medically, sexually; how no one wanted to do anything about that elephant in the room, or even acknowledge that it existed. <\/p>\n
For reasons I cannot understand to this day, and never will. <\/p>\n
About having to finally get that fixed all on my own with no help from inside my lineage. <\/p>\n
Then I jump-cut in time fifty years. <\/p>\n
To the current fuckery. To the purpose of the engineered call. <\/p>\n
To suggestions of promises, and actual promises, made and still not kept. <\/p>\n
I … if nothing else … cleared the m’fuckin’ air thoroughly. <\/p>\n
Then I slept for most of two days, because saying that all out loud was not easy on my soul. <\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
As a result: Nothing has changed. Not one thing; not yet.<\/p>\n
There’s been talk of hiring a lawyer. So I went and found the New Mexico Bar Association site and narrowed the search down to four plausible candidates and passed that along. <\/p>\n
It’s barking up some highly theoretical tree anyway, instead of doing my life any tangible good. <\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
In the end I have no resolution. <\/p>\n
I still don’t know whether I should do maintenance on having faith in these unfulfilled promises … <\/p>\n
Or whether I should just swallow the whole ball of shit for the shit it well may be, and move on, past it; get on with my fucking life. <\/p>\n
That is still the hardest part for me. The stumbling block as we used to say. <\/p>\n
The not-knowing which. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I talked about being sixteen, about being the only one in the family who gave a shit about College, and having the scholarship I earned all on my own taken away from me by parental decree, because they thought I was a pussy. Which in a sense I was: I talked about being sixteen and […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-10007","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.vairtere.com\/spill\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10007","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.vairtere.com\/spill\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.vairtere.com\/spill\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.vairtere.com\/spill\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.vairtere.com\/spill\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=10007"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.vairtere.com\/spill\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10007\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":10008,"href":"https:\/\/www.vairtere.com\/spill\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10007\/revisions\/10008"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.vairtere.com\/spill\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10007"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.vairtere.com\/spill\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=10007"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.vairtere.com\/spill\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=10007"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}